An alien on alien movies

I love the Weekly World News. While most supermarket tabloids publish articles of absolutely no journalistic worth ("How does Kate Winslet keep so trim" "What Angelina Jolie really plans for the twins" "The truth behind the Jessica-Tony splot rumors"), the Weekly World News uncovers the facts the regular media ignoes ("Aliens occupy 34 U.S. Senate seats," "Elvis is alive and well and serving as a political advisor to Sarah Palin").

In a recent issue, it had one of its alien correspondents, a creature named Mygar, list what folks in other parts of the galaxy consider the eight most influential alien movies ever to come out of Planet Earth. Here is the list, along with Mygar's comments:

8. Alien: A romantic tragedy for the ages. The story of an unnamed parasitic alien and the woman the stars destined him to be with. He is born into a confined and cruel world, unable to help what he is. Soon he falls in love with the strong and spirited Ripley, but she cannot understand his language and in ignorance kills him, committing his body to the stars. This has been turned into an opera in the Kleo system.

7. Close Encounters of the Third Kind: A rousing documentary of one fateful night in Earth’s history. The film is made ever more poignant by the final two hours, where the government hushes everything up, having been cut from the film so it could be marketed as a fictional narrative. A victim of its own message.

6. The Day the Earth Stood Still: The first use of actual aliens in cinema. After being abducted several times, writer Harry Bates eventually befriended his captors and they began a dialogue about the nature of mankind. Once released, Bates began working on a story based on his experience. It is a little known fact that during production, Bates was able to cast his new friends in small parts in the movie.

5. The Abyss: Written by an entirely alien staff, it gave voice to the Extra Terrestrial perspective on global affairs. It was a blatant metaphor, painted in broad strokes, but conveying the precise message that millions had wanted to say. Aliens even played a crucial part in the film. It was a distinct moment in a culture when aliens on earth finally felt that their voice was being heard.

4. Predator: The first openly gay alien to star in a Hollywood film. Rumors of a romantic affair between the two primary stars were never proven, but also never dis-proven. That two of the film’s principal actors went from action movie obscurity to elected office has only fueled the controversy.

3. Coccon: Few works of art can inspire hate-filled vitriol in dozens of species the way this film can. Riots broke out that covered entire planets once news of this film hit the airwaves. It is the benchmark of alien stereotypes in film: aliens having ‘magic’ powers, aliens forced to serve a lower life form, Steve Gutenberg. This film has become synonymous with insensitivity to inter-species relations, and as such has served as a warning sign to help promote healing across the galaxy.

2. Lilo & Stitch: Doesn’t everyone love this movie? It’s just fun, and depicts how friendly alien-human relations can be. And yes, I did cry a little the first time I watched it. I am mature and secure enough to admit that.

1. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Based of the epic of Kringlaar, which chronicled the failed Martian invasion of Venus. According to legend, after Kringlaar’s wife was put in stasis, he led the resistance to defeat the vastly superior Martian fleet. Originally intended to be much truer to the source material, arguments between the director and the studio led to the compromise of using an Earth folk hero in place of Kringlaar. The movie is still used in history classes throughout the system.