Jewish Haiku

These are hysterical

Beyond Valium,
peace is knowing one’s child
is an internist.

On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our dog is gone.

After the warm rain
the sweet smell of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

Her lips near my ear,
Aunt Sadie whispers the name
of her friend’s disease.

Today I am a man.
Tomorrow I will return
to seventh grade.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she sighs softly.
But her son is forty.

The sparkling blue sea
reminds me to wait an hour
after my sandwich.

Like a bonsai tree
is your terrible posture
at my dinner table.

Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun,
hard sucking candies.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing:
I got it at Loehmann’s.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

Mom, please!
There is no need
to put that dinner roll in your pocketbook.

Sorry I’m not home
to take your call.
At the tone please state your bad news.

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I’ve done?

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz.
Five-day forecast: feh

Yenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
Shlemiel, Shlimazl. Meshuganah.
Oy! To be fluent!

Quietly murmured
at Saturday Synagogue services:
Phillies 5, Red Sox 3.

Hard to tell under the lights.
White Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Jewish Buddhism:
If there is no self,
whose arthritis is this?

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Is that so complicated?