Vibrators don't kill people; however, people armed with a vibrator and an assault rifle ...

"Ah yes, Miss Jones, I think I have the cure for what ails you."

Sandy Springs, Ga., is to Atlanta what Richardson is to Dallas, a toney, ultra-conservative suburb that border's Georgia's largest city on the north. It has, according to the 2010 census, a population of 93,853, 65percent of whom are white; a median family income of $129,810; and a council-manager form of government run these days by a bunch of kooks.

The reason I know they are a bunch of kooks is that the City Council -- six council members and a mayor, all of whom are males (which is vitally important in lieu of what comes next) -- recently passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for women to purchase a marital aide without a doctor's prescription. That's right: If a woman desires to purchase a vibrator, for example, she must schedule an appointment with her physician, pay for that appointment and during that appointment persuade the physician she has a valid medical reason for purchasing a vibrator. If the physician believes she is in medical need of the sex toy, he will give her the necessary prescription for purchasing it.

By the way, in Georgia you can carry a gun without even a minimal background check. So men can carry around their fun toys, but women can't.

No word yet on how many bootleggers are frequenting neighboring Atlanta's adult book stores, purchasing vibrators, dildos, edible undies, etc., and selling them on the black market in Sandy Springs.