DVD REVIEW: "Shrek the Third"

"Shrek the Third" reminded me of an incident I had with Neil Diamond. I was attending a Neil Diamond concert, not because I wanted to, but because it was my job at the time. I told my girlfriend that, out of the kindness of my heart, I was not going to ask her to accompany me because ... well, let’s just say she had the same preconceived notions about Neil Diamond as I (this was post "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" which to me marked the demarcation point in Diamond’s recording career when he went from relevant to schlock). Much to my surprise, Diamond put on one fantastic performance. So the next time he came around, probably about a year later, I told my girlfriend, "Trust me here. The guy gives a great concert." She conceded that my judgment had always been spot on up until this point, so she came with me. And she came away a convert to Diamond’s abilities on the concert stage. So a year later, he came around for the third time and now my girlfriend is trying to convince a bunch ofl her friends "Trust me here. The guy gives a great concert. And, if you don’t believe me, ask Pete." So this time five other couples, based on our recommendation, shell out some of their hard-earned to see Diamond in concert. I held my head in my hands throughout most of the show. "These folks are never going to trust my opinion again." I felt their cold, hard stares drilling holes through me all during the show. It was worse than bad. It went beyond bad when he stumbled through "Song Sung Blue" for the seventh consecutive time.

From that, I developed my "Third Time Around" theory which, by now, I don’t have to explain at length. Suffice it to say, "Shrek the Third" is another proof point in that theory.

Now there are some of you with children in a certain age bracket and you’re not going to have an option here. You’re going to have to rent "Shrek the Third." Actually, that’s a good thing, far better, in fact, than having to take them to see it in a theater. Because then you don’t have to sit through it with them. You can put it in the DVD player and then do something more worthwhile with that time, like sticking uncooked hot dogs in your ears.

There is a scene early in the movie when the Froggie King (John Cleese) dies. Don’t worry, I’m not spoiling anything here--his dying sets the entire TV-sitcom like plot in motion. Then, at his funeral, we hear the song "Live and Let Die" on the soundtrack. And I’m saying to myself "What were these guys thinking? Is this supposed to funny? It’s not. Is it supposed to be a satire of some kind? If so, it doesn’t work. If I had a youngster with me, would I have to try to make some kind of James Bond connection to all of this? Could I make that connection? Probably not."
The most endearing aspect of the original "Shrek" film was that is was funny on so many different levels. "Shrek the Third" is unfunny on all the same levels, but a particular disaster on the adult one. The whole idea of lampooning dinner theater is a waste of time because dinner theater, by definition, was a lampoon. And how many "Shrek" parents are even familiar with dinner theater anyway? And what parent is going to be comfortable explaining a "Hooters" joke to their children?

Now I will admit "Shrek the Third" has a few good moments, my favorite being a scene in which Pinocchio, to keep his nose from growing, engages in double speak that would make a politician proud. The movie also scored some points with a medieval high school bit.

But, all in all, "Shrek the Third" is not so much a movie as it is a marketing ploy.

GRADE: C