The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.

You see, sergeant, it was like this. Melanie and I were out throwing back a few at this club. And, man, those guys in that club were pissants. Jeez, just because I tried to fondle this guy's wife, he gets all upset. And because of all that fuss that minor incident caused, they throw us out of the club. Melanie and me. Not them other dudes. Then Melanie starts giving me hell for drinking too much, trying to make out with that other pig and getting us thrown out of the club. So we get in the car so we can drive to some secluded spot where I can beat the living crap out of her -- you see, I like to do that once or twice a week, just to keep her line. But, man, I gotta piss real bad. So I pull over to the side of the road on LBJ -- actually we're on a bridge or something. And I get out to take my leak and then I turn around and head back to the car and Melanie is gone. Disappeared. Vanished. I called for her, but there was no answer. So I figured, well, now I don't have to find a secluded spot to beat the living crap out of her, so I get in the car and drive to this strip club where I'm trying to think where Melanie could have run off to. Then, right in the middle of stuffing this dollar bill in this babe's g-string, it hit me. She probably fell over that bridge back there where I stopped to take a leak. So after getting a lot of grief from the stripper who, for some reason, don't want to come home with me, I go to a Denny's nearby for a couple of cups of coffee -- you know, to sober up, and all -- and then I come right here to the North Central patrol station to report Melanie missing.

You do believe all this, don't you, sergeant? Don't you?