Our new digs

We can make this work. I'm talking about the best time-share plan available. This place has, from what I understand, more than 100 rooms (even the owner doesn't know for sure), but you take away the media room (with the theater screen that rises from the floor), the beauty parlor, the barber shop, the gift-wrapping room (Trust me. I'm not making this up. The house has a gift-wrapping room.), the wine cellar and the wine-tasting room -- take away all the extraneous stuff and I'm betting you still have at least 60 rooms that can be made available as luxurious sleeping places.

Now you have 52 weeks in a year so 60 times 52 is 3,120. Now divide 150,000,000 by 3,120 and you get 48,077 (rounded off). That's right, for a measly $48,000 plus change you have the right to spend a week a year for the rest of your life in the largest and, I'm sure, the more luxurious home in Los Angeles County. Then, for the pittance of $5,000 for the week you choose, you can be a privileged guest (the price includes all meals, providing you come to the dining room at the prescribed meal times) at this palace located just as bunny's throw away from the Playboy Mansion. We're talking annual vacations you and your family will always cherish and look forward to.

(By the way, I sign the management contract to handle the deal, and live on the estate rent free and, if there are any problems, you can find me out by the pool over there on the right. I'll be the one with a Manhattan in my hand.)