Oh, dem prehistoric women

Ran across the nifty movie box set the other day called 50 Sci-Fi classics, which was misnamed because there's not a sci-fi classic in the bunch. But you do get movies featuring actors before they were stars like Moon of the Wolf starring David Janssen, The Atomic Brain with Bradford Dillman, and Bride of the Gorilla starring Raymond Burr. There's also Mesa of Lost Women starring Jackie Coogan, Killers from Space with Peter Graves, Zontar the Thing From Venus with John Agar and The Astral Factor with Robert Foxworth.

Each disc comes in a separate envelop inside the box that contains capsule summaries of the four or five films contained in the disc inside that envelop. Some of the summaries are a hoot. Take this one from the film Voyager to the Planet of Prehistoric Women starring the inimitable Mamie Van Doren (pictured): "A group of astronauts attempt to rescue a party stranded on the surface of Venus. In the process they encounter numerous perils, including distinctly unfriendly prehistoric monsters. Their misadventures are watched from afar by a group of telepathic alien women who worship a pterodactyl named Tera."

Now I don't know how much experience any of you reading this have had with telepathic alien women who worship a pterodactyl named Tera." Take it from me. They are not to messed with. I know because I was once married to a telepathic alien woman who worshipped a pterodactyl named Tera. (Truth in advertising: I didn't know she was telepathic until after we were married. "You've been out drinking with your buddies again, haven't you." I will admit, however, her telepathy really came in handy when we were playing bridge.) I should have known mixed marriages often don't work out. Besides, my rabbi kept telling me Tera was a false idol and I kept insisting that the rabbi had to be the one to tell her that. But that woman was just so ... so ... so ... tall. I wouldn't describe her as beautiful in the classic sense of the term - back then I looked more like Mamie Van Doren than she did -- but she was magnetic. We also had somewhat different views on child-rearing. For example, I was a major proponent of the public school system while she believed if I taught the little bugger how to make fire and armed him with a club, he could make his own way in the world just fine. What finally doomed the marriage, however, was that when our neighbors in Farmers Branch complained about all the racket and the smell that emanated from her religious rites, the responding officers learned of her alien status and they deported her. I remember her screaming as she was led away "See where this 'Love they neighbor' crap gets you and you can stuff your commentary as well." And all the while Tera was screeching and flapping her wings like something out of a Peter Jackson movie. But, to this day, I still carry a picture of her wearing her little gold pterodactyl necklace and nothing else. And I gotta admit: She was the best damned bridge partner I ever had.