X reasons not to rent 'The Ten'

I. The execution of the silly premise of the movie "The Ten"--that the 10 Commandments can be illustrated by a series of 10 scatological parables--lacks bite, verve and wit and leaves you with 10 scatological parables, but not a movie.

II. Winona Ryder overacts shamelessly in what turns out to be the movie's one single redeeming factor (this pictured rendezvous with a [literally] wooden lover in a bar is the film's best scene).

III. The film makes the drastic mistake that humor can be found in the subject of prison rapes.

IV. The film compounds the previous mistake by believing humor can be found in children dying from radiation poison.

V. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arsenio Hall and Dianne Wiest have legitimate grounds for defamation of character lawsuits and could name as co-defendants every person who rents "The Ten."

VI. The talents of Gretchen Mol and Liev Schreiber are completely wasted here (although Ms. Mol's talents were also wasted in the recent "3:10 to Yuma" and I liked that DVD).

VII. The "Thou Shall Not Steal" segment, for some inexplicable reason, tells the story of a woman who abandons another fiancee (she abandoned the first one in the opening story) when she falls in love with a ventriloquist's dummy. (Go figure!)

VIII. There's not a single funny moment in the entire film.

IX. It tries to disguise the fact it has nowhere to go by ending the mess with a big musical number than begins with a dozen or so naked men and then reprises quite badly all the stupid skits that came before.

X. The film robs you of less than 90 minutes of your life, but will leave you depressed for days afterwards.

Grade: D