Let them eat dirt and be without air conditioning

Pretty good looking front yard, if I do say so myself. Too bad the owner of this property is being forced by some historic-preservation Nazis to rip it up and replace it with weeds and dirt.

The property in question belongs to one Jose Escobedo who, unfortunately, lives in Junius Heights where, if for some reason the neighbors don't like you (because, say, you walk your well trained, friendly dog around the neighborhood without a leash) they'll turn you in to the strong arm of the neighborhood vigilante committee. That's what happened to Mr. Escobedo. Although his front yard looks pretty swell, some no-goodnick in his hood threw up her arms and screamed "Oh, my, heavens to Betsy. That's not God-made grass out there."

And it's true. It's fake grass. That means it looks nice. It will never need water (water conservationists, take note). It will never need to be mowed (air conservationists, take note). It will never need fertilizer (oh, never mind). And it will never be allowed to remain in Junius Heights which is under the cruel thumb of the Landmark Commission, which ruled today "Jose, da turf has gotta go."

Jose and I have a lot in common. We both detest yard work. I have a townhome where the homeowners association takes care of the front yard and I have covered the non-patio section of the back yard in plastic sheeting topped with mulch. The Landmark Commission doesn't do yard work -- it just forces everyone else to. Well, it can try. Mr. Escobedo says he still won't do yard work and all the Landmarks and all the Commissions in the world can't force him to do that. If he has to yank his lawn, he'll just leave it as dirt and weeds, by gum. See how the neighbors like that. Of course, that's why the city of Dallas has Code Nazis as well.

Here was one stupid comment from Landmark commissioner Ann Piper. She said (possibly even with a straight face) that the Junius Heights neighborhood dates back to the early 1900s and "there wouldn't have been artificial turf used in that period." Hate to break this to you, Ann, but I'm betting they didn't have air conditioning in that period either. If that is the precedent you are using to force Mr. Escobedo to yank up his lawn, then I'm suggesting Mr. Escobedo should petition the Commission to force all Junius Heights resident to yank out their air conditioning systems. Air conditioning? Hell, these folks probably didn't even have electricity at all or even indoor plumbing in the early 1900s. So what say you, Ann? Let's really return to those find ol' days and see how the residents like that -- especially the one that squealed on Mr. Escobedo to the Landmark Commission.