DVD REVIEW: "Balls of Fury"

Maggie Q and Dan Fogler in "Balls of Fury"

There are two types of people who should see "Balls of Fury": hardcore Def Leppard fans who simply can't hear their heroes enough and those who have this mad desire to see Christopher Walken dressed like the grand marshal of the Chinese New Year parade. And even these two groups should approach this DVD with some trepidation.

The movie stars Dan Fogler who has all the charisma of a ping pong paddle and comes complete with more below the waist/above the knee physical humor than has disgraced any movie in recent memory. Fogler plays ping pong hotshot Randy Daytona who avenges his father's death and helps the FBI combat terrorism by playing in a sudden death table tennis sponsored by international arms dealer Feng (Walken). I suppose we're not supposed to question that this tournament is held "somewhere in Central America" which seems somewhat outside the FBI's jurisdiction, but never mind.

Whenever a player looses a match in this tournament, he is dispatched to ping pong heaven with a poisonous blow dart, leading to the only funny line in this entire movie when Walken says "What part of sudden death didn't you understand?"

We also get Maggie Q wearing a lot of skin-tight shorts, James Hong as a blind ping-pong master, George Lopez completely wasted as an FBI agent, enough homophobic and racist attempts at humor (Chinese people talk funny and eat weird food) to make anyone cringe and, oh, yes, a rousing finish with Def Leppard playing on the soundtrack.

OK, I've said enough because I've probably spent more time writing this review than director Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (who also has an unfunny bit as Randy Daytona's chief ping pong nemesis) spent writing the "Balls of Fury" screenplay.

Grade: D+